Essential Lessons for Happier Relationships

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This is How Your Marriage Ends struck a chord with me. Fray remarks that we spend our lives constantly learning and evolving based on our interests, but we spend so little time growing and morphing ourselves to be better in personal relationships. Why do we not spend time nurturing our relationships? After all, that social connection is a critical aspect in our overall well being and fulfillment. Here are some takeaways from this book:

Communication is key. Be vocal about what is not working in your relationship.
Don’t be defensive when your partner brings up issues. Reframe it as your partner wanting to save the relationship before the trust and respect erodes. Tackle the issues in the spirit of keeping the relationship alive and healthy.
Empathy will serve you well in understanding the perspective of your spouse.
Consider your partner in all your decisions.
A good person can be a bad spouse.
Coolidge effect – a person’s sexual interest can be revitalized through a relationship with a new person even while dating their long-term partner.
Partake in household chores. We’re in a new improved generation breaking outside the mold of traditional roles.
Don’t wait to be told what to do. Your spouse is not your parent.
You’re no longer single. Don’t continue your current ways without considering your partner.
We spend a lot of time researching and learning for our hobbies and careers. We should also put in the same amount of effort in time into our relationships.
It’s not about leaving the dishes by the sink. It’s about respecting your partner and considering them a priority.
Your spouse should come first even before kids. Model a healthy relationship for your kids. Maintain the relationship throughout all phases of life: no kids, kids, kids leaving the home. Your spouse will be your support system throughout.
Figure out whether your partner wants to vent or is seeking advice and respond accordingly.
Figure out your partner’s love language and follow up on it to show them you love them.
You can’t change the other person. They have to realize and learn for themselves.
Sometimes leaving is the right thing a person can do when they no longer feel safe, respected and feel trust in a relationship.