The Courage to Be Disliked

The post title says it all. The Courage to Be Disliked has been on my reading list for some time and it was a struggle to get through because of the ideology that clashed with my own beliefs. Despite the challenge, I found myself captivated by its depth and the provocative ideas it presented. It is a book that will make you question and reshape the way you process events in your life, whether those are deeply rooted in the past, happening in the present, or tentatively explored in the future. Each chapter pushed me to reflect on my perspectives and confront assumptions I held. Here are some of the takeaways:

Adlerian philosophy
People lack in courage to change
Living in the here and now; shine a spotlight on it so bright to not see the past or future
- Dance through the now and live earnestly. This will take you to a point in the future
Feelings of inferiority can spur growth but can also develop into a complex
- Leads to the pursuit of superiority that is tied to feeling inferior when boasting
- There is no need to boast when one does not feel inferior
The past has no bearing on the future
- Interpretations of the past shape what people become in the future; their perceived feelings on past events develops into a mindset that they choose to have
- Trauma does not exist; you can choose not to have it affect and take over your life
Self acceptance, self confidence, and a feeling of contribution are key points in teleology
Self reliance and a contribution to the universe
Feeling of contribution ties to worth and feeling happy
All problems are interpersonal relationship problems
- Separation of tasks simplify these problems and can dissipate feeling suffocated or overwhelmed
- Do not take on other people’s tasks
Anger is an excuse to yell
- It is just as easy to switch the anger off when talking to another person and then to switch it back on when wanting to yell at the directed person
Praise and rebuke should not be selected methods of enforcement, neither is effective
- Instead, gratitude is the preferred approach because it is not condescending or manipulative and establishes self worth on to another person instead of seeking self worth from other people
See others as comrades and not as competition
- View others as equal partners in society to develop horizontal relationships instead of vertical ones
- Choose to contribute and accept and value the other person. Start and don’t wait for others to start doing this.
  - If the relationship does not work out, then it did not have enough substance or ties to work out anyway and the hurt and dissatisfaction should dissipate quickly
The meaning of life is what you the individual makes of it
Do not seek recognition from others
Life is not a line, but dots of moments